In Advice

Feeling lonely is really shitty

– but unfortunately it seems to be something that a lot of people experience in their lives when they’re going through a divorce.

I love people and company – and while I need a lot of time on my own as well – I’ve found divorce a really lonely experience.

And that’s a weird thing to admit to myself because I can remember so few times before when I felt lonely.

But there are those times…we’ve probably all had them….when something bad happens or you feel the darkness at 1130pm at night and you think “damn, I feel lonely…..noooo!”

I’ve tried a few things…

as imperfect as they are, and here they are below:

  1. Accept that feeling lonely is a privilege – this time is for me to think and reflect and feel things I haven’t before. Staring into emptiness can be really creative and help me to develop new thoughts I never would have imagined thinking before. Sometimes I just sat and thought, sometimes wrote or drew or went for a walk.
  2. Contact someone if I really need to – even if they might not be able to answer back – tell someone appropriate how I feel (and I have got this wrong, as I am sure you can imagine. I would still recommend it as an idea in theory and advise some thought as to how to do it in practice). Sometimes phone, whatsapp, email…..again, I am sure I got this wrong but I really tried.
  3. Make sure I have plans when I’ll need support – arrange a dinner or a drink or a walk or a chat – it can be free and can and probably should at some point involve walking and exercise.
  4. Think about who are the most helpful people to contact at these moments – for obvious reasons….and sometimes you will get this wrong!
  5. Sometimes, and this has felt a bit weird – I have asked people to send me strength – down the phonelines or whatsapp – and actually this has really helped because I’ve really felt that support. Someone saying yes to this is pretty moving #strengthtojane helped me!

I have actually been astounded by the goodwill of humanity. When I had two black eyes on the tube home and was crying, 2 men in a non-creepy way asked me if I was alright. And, like I say in the video, an amazing lady on the tube told me to “Be strong!”

When I haven’t had strength, talking to other people and asking for help has worked (although of course you need to exercise caution with this strategy). My dad has told me in the past never to cry on public transport as it makes you look vulnerable.

But these are only my ideas from my tiny mind…..and thank you to all those who have supported me along the way.


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