Why I had a public divorce party
There are 3 reasons why I had a divorce party
– apart from the fact I believe in ceremony and symbolism.
A lot of people said I was crazy. Then they said – I always thought you were crazy.
The 3 reasons are…
- I believe in community – My friends and family really supported me. But there was also a woman on a tube who came up to me and put her hand on my shoulder on the tube and said “Be strong”. I was like – oh my god, this woman is like the most amazing woman in the world. That woman’s actions gave me a lot of faith in community.
- I wanted to do something good after something bad– I found the experience of divorce pretty shit (I think a lot of people do). I wanted to organise a charity event for Royal Trinity Hospice – to raise money for a great charity after something a bit rubbish.
- To have a focus to give me stability and something to aim for – I felt really shit sometimes. Sometimes I didn’t know what would happen and if I could carry on. I decided to have this party – so that it was something to focus on and no-one could stop me from having it. And I realised how lucky I was because I could make it happen – which is such a privilege.
I was talking to some friends at my party and I thought about ‘kintsugi’ – the Japanese art of mending broken pottery. When you mend pottery and instead of pretending there is no problem you put a gold powder in the lacquer. You say that you are mending it proudly, not hiding the mend but saying “it’s happened”.
It’s about not hiding things away but trying to mend them as a community. Extremely important now in our political times.
Let’s mend politics as well as mending ourselves after difficult relationships.