When you feel like you can’t carry on…

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There are many reasons why things can feel extremely hard when you’re in the midst of a break-up.

I felt like this, for a good part of my break-up…slightly nutty and running around not knowing whether I was still a conscious being. My head felt either full or empty and I made crazy decisions. Partly – that is just me anyway. Partly that was me feeling slightly insane.

And so many things happen that are part coincidence part disastrous free will. One night I found myself – quite by mistake?!? – where my husband and I had our first date 8.5 years before. Let’s just say – the second time around it wasn’t quite the same experience. There was certainly less kissing.

A few things I learned about how to feel better.

  1. Ask for help if you need it. I really struggled with this at the beginning – but I became a master of asking friends for support. If you do have the power to be specific – try this. If you don’t know what you need – try and say this. Or ask for a hug.
  2. Find a team who can support you. Choose people who you think have your best interests at heart – more than 3 people if you can. Some people will be able to support you when you need to repeat yourself a million times. Some people will be able to hug you when you need it most. Some people will be able to offer you practical support. It is unlikely that one or two people will be able to provide all the support you need – so do try and get a team rather than relying on a very few people.
  3. Realise you can choose who is helpful to you – Don’t be afraid to realise that some people are not helpful to you and you may need to choose when you see them and what you say to them. It may take you a few times to realise this – and don’t give yourself a hard time if you keep making the same mistakes a few times. But realise you have the power to choose what you disclose and to who.
  4. Call The Samaritans http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us – If you cannot cope – do not suffer silently – call someone who can help immediately.
  5. Seek professional help if you need it – and fast. Whether this is the police, the doctor, or a lawyer. If you do need advice from us – feel free to contact us.
  6. Try and walk – and see the wonder of nature. Focus on your steps first and then just in front of you – and then what you can see. The world is wondrous.
  7. Find your natural way to express yourself. Can you sing? Look at art? Listen to music? Paint? Find your own therapy
  8. Make sure you are safe at all times – remember to take care of yourself. And ask someone to look out for you, if you are worried.

There are many more things you can do – therapy, mindfulness. Do write in with your suggestions, when you think of them here.

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